The reality that I have gestational diabetes has really started to set in and I trying to come to grips with it. I think that I am still working through the grieving process in many ways. I have made it to some level of acceptance within the 4 days that have passed since I have been diagnosed. Each day has gotten easier and easier. In this entry I will focus on the first two days as they were the hardest for me as I am sure they are for most who find out they have it.
I found out at the beginning of my appointment that I had Gestational Diabetes. Gestational Diabetes basically mean having diabetes during pregnancy. For most people it goes away after delivery but for some it is long term. I had a chance to ask questions of my doctor but ended up asking very few. Not I think because I didn't have any, just that I could not think of any at the moment as I was in shock at the diagnosis. I had a feeling even before I was told the results of the 2 hour glucose test that they were going to be positive in the sense that I would have gestational diabetes. You get a feeling when your OB really wants you to have it done quickly that the news is not likely going to be the kind you want to hear. It is however that news you need to hear so that you can mitigate the negative impact it could have on your pregnancy. I also got the feeling it was going to be positive by how my body had been feeling that week prior. It may have simply been hormones or the heat at work causing me to feel the way I was but I think it was my bodies way of saying hey heads up. I had had a number of days where about an hour and a half before I was to been done work I hit a brick wall so to speak. I had no energy and just felt like I needed a good rest. Could this have been a sign of low blood sugar????????
I was lucky to have had my son with me for my appointment as it gave me someone else to think about and focus my attention on for the moment. I was definitely in you could say a state of denial. I was able to say the words, "I have Gestational Diabetes" but not really more than that. Looking back at the day I can see what a zombie I was at work. Going through the motions and thinking about how glad I was to have two days off after that. It is amazing how sometimes our lives just work out like getting this notice before having time off than before a big event where one has to be happy and on top of their game.
It really hit me hard when I got home and saw all of the fruit juice on the counter. Seeing it mad me upset, almost mad that it had been taken out. I felt like I was being told what I could not have instead of working through all this together, It was afterall me that had to start testing my blood sugar 4 times a day and give up alot of the foods and such I loved. I had already given up coffee because of the caffeine and CHocolate because of the Aversions to it . I felt like the lone victim in all this and at the moment it was all about me. Selfish thoughts I know, but that is how I felt at the time. Looking at the event know I understand why hubbie did it and why I should not be drinking fruit juice or at least most of them.
That night I went through all the emotions from anger to feeling sorry for my know that I went through an emotional rollercoaster because the next day I was emotionally exhausted. Thank goodness for being able to take my son to daycare. I needed some time to focus on me and learning about my new reality. I find it takes me some time to come to grips with a new reality such as this or having what I had hoped for changed.
They reality fo need to take charge of my health for both me and my baby. There are to many bad things that could happen as a result of not following through with making changes to manage my diabetes. I could run the risk of getting Diabetes later in life and most scary thought would be losing my baby as a result. That is a reality that scares the crap out of me for lack of a word. I am not prepared to risk her health for my comfort or desire to have a cup of Tims and a chocolate doughnut.
I found out at the beginning of my appointment that I had Gestational Diabetes. Gestational Diabetes basically mean having diabetes during pregnancy. For most people it goes away after delivery but for some it is long term. I had a chance to ask questions of my doctor but ended up asking very few. Not I think because I didn't have any, just that I could not think of any at the moment as I was in shock at the diagnosis. I had a feeling even before I was told the results of the 2 hour glucose test that they were going to be positive in the sense that I would have gestational diabetes. You get a feeling when your OB really wants you to have it done quickly that the news is not likely going to be the kind you want to hear. It is however that news you need to hear so that you can mitigate the negative impact it could have on your pregnancy. I also got the feeling it was going to be positive by how my body had been feeling that week prior. It may have simply been hormones or the heat at work causing me to feel the way I was but I think it was my bodies way of saying hey heads up. I had had a number of days where about an hour and a half before I was to been done work I hit a brick wall so to speak. I had no energy and just felt like I needed a good rest. Could this have been a sign of low blood sugar????????
I was lucky to have had my son with me for my appointment as it gave me someone else to think about and focus my attention on for the moment. I was definitely in you could say a state of denial. I was able to say the words, "I have Gestational Diabetes" but not really more than that. Looking back at the day I can see what a zombie I was at work. Going through the motions and thinking about how glad I was to have two days off after that. It is amazing how sometimes our lives just work out like getting this notice before having time off than before a big event where one has to be happy and on top of their game.
It really hit me hard when I got home and saw all of the fruit juice on the counter. Seeing it mad me upset, almost mad that it had been taken out. I felt like I was being told what I could not have instead of working through all this together, It was afterall me that had to start testing my blood sugar 4 times a day and give up alot of the foods and such I loved. I had already given up coffee because of the caffeine and CHocolate because of the Aversions to it . I felt like the lone victim in all this and at the moment it was all about me. Selfish thoughts I know, but that is how I felt at the time. Looking at the event know I understand why hubbie did it and why I should not be drinking fruit juice or at least most of them.
That night I went through all the emotions from anger to feeling sorry for my know that I went through an emotional rollercoaster because the next day I was emotionally exhausted. Thank goodness for being able to take my son to daycare. I needed some time to focus on me and learning about my new reality. I find it takes me some time to come to grips with a new reality such as this or having what I had hoped for changed.
They reality fo need to take charge of my health for both me and my baby. There are to many bad things that could happen as a result of not following through with making changes to manage my diabetes. I could run the risk of getting Diabetes later in life and most scary thought would be losing my baby as a result. That is a reality that scares the crap out of me for lack of a word. I am not prepared to risk her health for my comfort or desire to have a cup of Tims and a chocolate doughnut.
RSS Feed