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It is challenging to deal with loss of a pregnancy and these folks have dealt with multiple losses. They are amazing people and deserve the chance to be amazing parents as well. If you are able to help them I know they would appreciate it.
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After experiencing a miscarriage or ectopic pregnancy, every future ache and pain leads a person to question if it is happening again? This is a scary question to ask and for some women it is the one that can save their lives. I had that same worry when I had my ectopic pregnancy. I can imagine how scary it would be for someone who was not planning to be pregnant again and experiencing the same symptoms as their previous loses. The best thing I think to do is talk to your doctor or health line and get good medical advice. It is likely nothing but it does not hurt to ask. I would suggest against using the internet for diagnosis. The symptoms you are experiencing can as easily be food poisoning as and ectopic pregnancy. It is better to know than to guess.
This blog started out with the title of bravery and healing. While I will still talk about it in this and later blogs, I thought time was a good topic and title to use at this time. I recently chatted with A friend about perinatal loss which brought me to think about my own loss, both the miscarriage and the ectopic pregnancy. A good amount of time, years, has passed since both events and yet something as simple as sharing my story with this friend made the flood gates open again. All the emotions of those events come back to the front of my mind. The difference for me is that they were not as raw as when the events had happened and time has truly made them easier to handle.
I will write more later when I have time to both think and put my thoughts together. ![]() The above cartoon accurately depicts how we found out that we had miscarried. It felt like forever that we waited for the radiologist to confirm what we had seen on the ultrasound. I remember a feeling a sense of emptiness in my heart . I felt a little like a zombie going through the motions of getting up and walking to the door. Our doctor was available to see us immediately after the ultrasound for which I am grateful. Even at that point it felt surreal and I was still in a state of denial. It was not till I got home that It really hit me, or I let it. I remember when we first found out that we had miscarried our first pregnancy. I was in shock and the last thing I was thinking about was who was available to support me/us in this loss. I just remember being in shock at the idea that the baby that I had waited so long to be pregnant with was not going to be. I was lucky to have such an amazing doctor who when advised of the event was willing to see us immediately and support us in the next steps. I vaguely remember all the events of that day, but I do remember going to her office and being taken straight in to an inviting office space. I remember her giving me a hug and expressing her sadness at our loss. I know we talked about options and such but the part I remember is the supportive feeling I had from that visit. I know for me it was that feeling of support that helped me through that loss.
I was also fortunate to have a supportive partner who gave me as much support as he could while also working through his own grief. Without his support I know that my grieving would have longer and harder to deal with The spouse or partner is often forgotten when it comes to seeking support. In some cases it is because people don't think they need the support or because they do not ask for it. I can see how it would be hard for the husband/partner to ask their wife for support when they know she is going through both an emotional and physical loss. I know that once I shared with others that I / we had a miscarriage, how many others had a similar story or knew of someone who had been through the same thing, Since the loss I know a few people that have experienced a miscarriage and I have offered them my support in what ever aspect they need. The best support I think I can offer another is an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on and the knowledge that I understand how they may be feeling. On a day that is meant to celebrate love wanted to take a moment to say I love you to all the babies that we carried but were never born. To say I love u to those who were and left us to quickly, and TO THOSE WHO ARE GOING THROUGH LOSS RIGHT NOW.
While getting ready for our party tonight I started thinking about wishing everyone a happy or better new year. Sometimes we get so caught up in our own happiness or problems and forget to thank those around us for being in our lives. So this is my thank you and final post for 2013. I want to thank all those who have helped me in my healing journey and been there when I really needed them. Thank you to my real friends.
![]() Nelson Mandela in the end was just a man. He loved, lost and felt like we all do. He had many years to think about what is important in life and the value of determination to get up every time we fall down. He spoke of education and the power of hope. As a world grieves a many most have never met, lets take time to be inspired by his many messages of HOPE. I chose this message to talk about today as it pertains to not just grieving a loss but also keeping our dreams alive. It is easier for most people to accept the loss of someone they know and who has the chance to make their mark on the world. Despite having never met Mandela in person I can appreciate the important role he has played in the world and the power of Hope he provided to so many. I can also see now how the hope of having a successful pregnancy in the future after our first pregnancy ended in miscarriage. We were devastated after the loss and I think it was the words of hope we had from our doctor and others that helped us move foreword. As Mandela says hope is a powerful weapon that we used to move through our loss, get back our hope and try agian. Our reward this time was a beautiful little boy I saw this written in a job advertisment of all place but I have to agree. It is about enjoying the simple things in life from a beautiful sunset to the knowledge that I was able to become pregnant despite losing two pregnancies. I know that in the moment it may be hard to find those little bits of positive in your life, but take the time to try. I know that thinking about a good thing helped me to not dwell on the bad, helped to move foreword and be able to honor the grief in the right way for me.
![]() As women we often give ourselves little credit or how strong we are or how strong we can be. In the past when I lost a family member, I took a day to grieve and then proved I was strong by going on about my work or other daily activities. I did sometimes need to close my door or was sent home, but I had gone on and tried to be strong.The first loss was before my son and that time I did not have to be strong for anyone in reality. I had the chance to let myself feel through this and it was a great learning opportunity for me With our second loss I knew that I was strong enough to make it through this loss. I think it helped that this time I ha my son to be strong for. He did not understand what was going on or that mommy had been in surgery and needed time to recover. I know that I am stronger than I think I am and part of it is having that supoport network and not being afraid to admit we need a shoulder to cry on. Added on November 21st I now know that I was strong enough to survive a miscarriage or ectopic pregnancy but about the news of others good fortunes? This is the next challenge for many of us, being strong everytime we hear of a new person's pregnancy especially when they tell you so early on. While I want to warn them not to say much to to many so soon, I want to try and share in their happiness. While I want to try and be as positive about their news as they are I sometimes find I can't be when I look deep in my heart. I know exciting it is when you found out and before you knew how often pregnancy can end in loss. It takes time and care to get to that point where we can I find it takes time sometimes to remember feel what we say out loud. |
AuthorI am a wife, a mother and a survivor. I have experienced a miscarriage, sucessfull pregnancy and an ectopic pregnancy. Archives
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