This blog started out with the title of bravery and healing. While I will still talk about it in this and later blogs, I thought time was a good topic and title to use at this time. I recently chatted with  A friend about perinatal loss  which brought me to think about my own loss, both the miscarriage and the ectopic pregnancy. A good amount of time, years, has passed since both events and yet something as simple as sharing my story with this friend made the flood gates open again. All the emotions of those events come back to the front of my mind. The difference for me is that they were not as raw as when the events had happened and time has truly made them easier to handle.

I will write more later when I have time to both think and put my thoughts together.

On a day that is meant to celebrate love  wanted to take a moment to say  I love you to all the  babies that we carried but were never born. To say I love u to those who were and left us to quickly, and TO THOSE WHO ARE GOING THROUGH LOSS RIGHT NOW.

While getting ready for our party tonight I started thinking about wishing everyone a happy or better new year. Sometimes we get so caught up in our own happiness or problems and forget to thank those around us for being in our lives. So this is my thank you and final post for 2013.  I want to thank all those  who have  helped me in my healing journey and been there when I really needed them. Thank you to my real friends. 

Nelson Mandela in the end was just a man. He loved, lost and felt like we all do. He had many years to think about what is important in life and the value of determination to get up every time we fall down. He spoke of education and the power of hope. As a world grieves a many most have never met, lets take time to be inspired by his many messages of HOPE.

I chose this message to talk about today as it pertains to not just grieving a loss but also keeping our dreams  alive. It is easier for most people to accept the loss of someone they know and who has the chance to make their mark on the world. Despite having never met Mandela in person I can appreciate the important role he has played in the world and the power of Hope he provided to so many. 

I can also see now how the hope of having a successful pregnancy in the future after our first pregnancy ended in miscarriage. We were devastated after the loss and I think it was the words of hope we had from our doctor and others that helped us move foreword. As Mandela says hope is a powerful weapon that we used to move through our loss, get back our hope and try agian. Our reward this time was a beautiful little boy

I saw this written in a job advertisment of all place but I have to agree. It is about enjoying the simple things in life from a beautiful sunset to the knowledge that I was able to become pregnant despite losing two pregnancies. I know that in the moment it may be hard to find those little bits of positive in your life, but take the time to try. I know that thinking about a good  thing helped me to not dwell on the bad, helped to move foreword and be able to honor the grief in the right way for me. 

As women we often give ourselves little credit or how strong we are or how strong we can be.  In the past when I lost a family member, I took a day to grieve and then proved I was strong by going on about my work or other daily activities. I did sometimes need to close my door or was sent home, but I had gone on and tried to be strong.The first loss was before my son and that time I did not have to be strong for anyone in reality. I had the chance to let myself feel through this and it was a great learning opportunity for me
With our second loss I knew that I was strong enough to make it through this loss. I think it helped that this time I ha my son to be strong for. He did not understand what was going on or that mommy had been in surgery and needed time to recover. 
I know that I am stronger than I think I am and part of it is having that supoport network and not being afraid to admit we need a shoulder to cry on.

Added on November 21st
I now know that I was strong enough to survive a miscarriage or ectopic  pregnancy but  about the news of others good fortunes? This is the next challenge for many of us, being strong everytime we hear of a new person's pregnancy especially when they tell you so early on.  While I want to warn them not to say much to to many so soon, I want to try and share in their happiness. While I want  to try and be as positive about their news as they are I sometimes find  I can't  be when I look deep in my heart. I know exciting it is when you found out and before you knew how often pregnancy can end in loss. It takes time and care to get to that point where we can I find it takes time sometimes to remember feel what we say out loud.

JUST WANTED TO GIVE A BIG HUG TO ANYONE GOING THROUGH A LOSS RIGHT NOW. YOU ARE NOT ALONE, and those of us who have gone through one or two are here to support and listen.

Part of the reason I started this website and blog was to raise awareness on the topic of pregnancy loss, miscarriage in particular. I have had the privilege to d join this facebook page doing the same in a different way.

 "Silent Hearts walk and run was created and started in hopes of bringing awareness and information of infant loss to the community, as well as support and remembrance to those who have lost their infants. Perinatal loss includes pregnancy or infant loss including miscarriage, still birth or neonatal deaths."          - Silent Hearts - Perinatal Loss Awareness Walk and Run Facebook

more to come 

I am amazed how much impact the simple act as taking the time to listen  to another can have on the healing process. It works for all types of healing and can be good for both people in the conversation. I am finding the more I listen to other and the more I share my story the stronger I feel. I know that no matter how much time has passed or how much I have moved on, I will always have a special place in my heart for each loss I have experienced.
So often when we hear that a friend or family member has experienced a loss, most don't know what to say. Sometimes the best thing to say is I am here if you need  me or say nothing at all, simply listen. When I first found we had lost a pregnancy, I know that I needed alot of people to just listen. Then as I moved further in my grieving I appreciated and found it helpful to hear the stories of others, knowing that I was not alone. Now I feel it is healing for me to share my story when needed, listen when required and just be available to all who could use a kind ear to listen.

This is dedicated to a family member who just experienced her own loss.

Whether it is hearing that you have had another loss, or a friend or co-worker has, it is never easy.  IT is sometimes hard to find the right words to express what you are feeling about the situation.  In the case of my second loss, I knew early that things were not right. I thought of a dear friend who had been through the same thing and knew it was what was happening to me. While I did not want to believe that life could be so cruel I knew that I was lucky. 
You may ask why I am saying I was lucky?  Well our second loss came as a result of an ectopic pregnancy.  This is a pregnancy that is not in the uterus and in my case it was in the fallopian tubes.  After three ultrasounds and blood tests it was confirmed and I choose to have surgery to remove it before it caused damage to my tubes which can be dangerous. So yes I think I am lucky to have known the warning signs and sought medical treatment immediately.
I have now had several people confide in me in regards to their miscarriages and each time I hear of one  it hits me hard. I know how much they wanted the baby and it just was not meant to be. It is hard to know how much to say and often what to say depending on the relationship to you. Sometimes I find the best is to say if you need me, call. If you want to talk, I will listen. If you need to cry with somebody, I will cry with you. 

I am dedicating this blog posting to a kind lady who is going through her own loss right now.