|Shedding Light on the M Word||
After experiencing a miscarriage or ectopic pregnancy, every future ache and pain leads a person to question if it is happening again? This is a scary question to ask and for some women it is the one that can save their lives. I had that same worry when I had my ectopic pregnancy. I can imagine how scary it would be for someone who was not planning to be pregnant again and experiencing the same symptoms as their previous loses. The best thing I think to do is talk to your doctor or health line and get good medical advice. It is likely nothing but it does not hurt to ask. I would suggest against using the internet for diagnosis. The symptoms you are experiencing can as easily be food poisoning as and ectopic pregnancy. It is better to know than to guess.
The above cartoon accurately depicts how we found out that we had miscarried. It felt like forever that we waited for the radiologist to confirm what we had seen on the ultrasound. I remember a feeling a sense of emptiness in my heart . I felt a little like a zombie going through the motions of getting up and walking to the door. Our doctor was available to see us immediately after the ultrasound for which I am grateful. Even at that point it felt surreal and I was still in a state of denial. It was not till I got home that It really hit me, or I let it.
On a day that is meant to celebrate love wanted to take a moment to say I love you to all the babies that we carried but were never born. To say I love u to those who were and left us to quickly, and TO THOSE WHO ARE GOING THROUGH LOSS RIGHT NOW.
As women we often give ourselves little credit or how strong we are or how strong we can be. In the past when I lost a family member, I took a day to grieve and then proved I was strong by going on about my work or other daily activities. I did sometimes need to close my door or was sent home, but I had gone on and tried to be strong.The first loss was before my son and that time I did not have to be strong for anyone in reality. I had the chance to let myself feel through this and it was a great learning opportunity for me
With our second loss I knew that I was strong enough to make it through this loss. I think it helped that this time I ha my son to be strong for. He did not understand what was going on or that mommy had been in surgery and needed time to recover.
I know that I am stronger than I think I am and part of it is having that supoport network and not being afraid to admit we need a shoulder to cry on.
Added on November 21st
I now know that I was strong enough to survive a miscarriage or ectopic pregnancy but about the news of others good fortunes? This is the next challenge for many of us, being strong everytime we hear of a new person's pregnancy especially when they tell you so early on. While I want to warn them not to say much to to many so soon, I want to try and share in their happiness. While I want to try and be as positive about their news as they are I sometimes find I can't be when I look deep in my heart. I know exciting it is when you found out and before you knew how often pregnancy can end in loss. It takes time and care to get to that point where we can I find it takes time sometimes to remember feel what we say out loud.
Remembrance day, a day that has been set aside to remember all those that have died in service of their country. It is a time to look back and think about what may not have been had the past happened differently. It can often be a time of sadness as others think about their own recent loss.
It is an important to remember the past and use the past to learn from or to help others. Today while we remember the loss and sacrifice of veterans past to take a few moments and remember all those who have experienced the personal loss of pregnancy or their babies. Please take a moment today to share a moment of remembrance and add your thoughts through a comment on this blog.
After a pregnancy loss has happened there are many decisions to make including how to get ones body back to "normal". I use the word normal for lack of a better word as I know and felt my body would never really be the way it was or normal. After both pregnancy losses, I had choose a surgical option as I felt it was the best for me and moving on with life. The hard part for me was not so much the decision as the wait for surgery and the healing that I knew it would bring.
With the miscarriage I had a D&C of which information can be found through your doctor or other medical sites. I am finding it hard at the moment to write it so I will talk about the wait. I had to be at the hospital early in the morning and wait for a surgical spot as it was not considered an emergency surgery although it was still treated as important. After some waiting I was given some pills to get things moving and they thought it might pass the miscarriage on its own if a space did not open soon enough. Day surgery is kinda a boring place to be. I have to say that the pills did there work well in getting things going but was it painful. Given the option I would not take them again. My body takes many medicines well as I learned when getting petocine with the birth of my son.
With my ectopic pregnancy there was a greater urgency in having it done that night. Im sure I would have bee okay if it had been longer but glad as I did not loose my overy or experience any other problems as a result. Happily the pregnancy was where it should have been and detected early enough to avoid damage. The hard part about waiting this time was not the unknown of going into surgery but the grieving of a very wanted pregnancy and knowing that I had a little boy at home who needed me. That is the joy and the hardship of being a mother and loosing a pregnancy. I was thinking about the lose, my son, my husband and me. Thats a lot to worry about.
OCTOBER 15, IS PREGNANCY AND INFANT LOSS REMEMBRANCE DAY. THE PURPOSE IS TO PROVIDE SUPPORT, EDUCATION AND AWARENESS FOR ANYONE WHO HAS LOST A BABY THROUGH MISCARRIAGE, STILLBIRTH OR INFANT DEATH.
I have done a little reading today and it is amazing what events are taking place around us to bring awareness to pregnancy and infant loss. This day of remembrance is not yet worldwide but I hope it will be someday. I wish I had known about it when my looses had first happened.
Some may argue that this kind of loss should be a private event to be grieved by those experiencing the loss and their families. I agree that those experiencing the loss need time to come to acceptance with the loss, but they need to know that they have support and they are not alone. This is a loss unlike no other. When it happens to you, a persons asks why me or what did I do wrong. Awareness events like this day and the Silent Hearts run are powerful ways to say you are not alone and we are here when you are ready. I know that the more people's stories I heard, the more supported I felt and the stronger I became. This is not to say that my husband and I did not need our time, just that knowing we had people who understood what to I was going through helped. It was easier to be strong because I had the strength of other women behind me.
The joy of Hormones can be both a blessing and a curse when it come to pregnancy and the loss of a pregnancy. Lets start with looking at it from the perspective of the lose. When we found out we had miscarried, hormones were in play for me as I had gone from the great high of going for our first Ultrasound to seeing nothing but an empty amniotic sac. It was so disheartening to hear the news and then to see it. It was a small comfort that my doctor had been contacted and was willing/able to have us come in to talk about it. Even writing about it now makes me tear up. Yet I choose to write on as I know that if I can help one person with my story it will make it worth the pain.
Then emotions got really intense as I was waiting for my surgery and feeling the cramps that mirrored the ones that I would have had if I had been in labour. I had taken the pills in preparation for the D&C. I would have to say given the option I would not take the pills again. After my surgery felt the stages of grief take me on a roller coaster of emotions that coincided with hormone levels returning to "Normal". I still have problems with using the word normal. It makes me think that I am not acknowledging the change that the loss has done to me and the loss itself. I remind myself that everytime I think of the loss and start feeling that melancholy feeling that I am truly honoring that lose and what could have been. I think it is time to go snuggle and I will write about emotions of PREGNANCY AFTER LOSS ANOTHER DAY.
JUST WANTED TO GIVE A BIG HUG TO ANYONE GOING THROUGH A LOSS RIGHT NOW. YOU ARE NOT ALONE, and those of us who have gone through one or two are here to support and listen.
Part of the reason I started this website and blog was to raise awareness on the topic of pregnancy loss, miscarriage in particular. I have had the privilege to d join this facebook page doing the same in a different way.
"Silent Hearts walk and run was created and started in hopes of bringing awareness and information of infant loss to the community, as well as support and remembrance to those who have lost their infants. Perinatal loss includes pregnancy or infant loss including miscarriage, still birth or neonatal deaths." - Silent Hearts - Perinatal Loss Awareness Walk and Run Facebook
more to come
I am a wife, a mother and a survivor. I have experienced a miscarriage, sucessfull pregnancy and an ectopic pregnancy.