After a pregnancy loss has happened there are many decisions to make including how to get ones body back to "normal". I use the word normal for lack of a better word as I know and felt my body would never really be the way it was or normal.  After both pregnancy losses, I had choose a surgical option as I felt it was the best for me and moving on with life. The hard part for me was not so much the decision as the wait for surgery and the healing that I knew it would bring.
With the miscarriage I had a D&C  of which information can be found through  your doctor or other medical sites. I am finding it hard at the moment to write it so I will talk about the wait. I had to be at the hospital early in the morning and wait for a surgical spot as it was not considered an emergency surgery although it was still treated as important. After some waiting I was given some pills to get things moving and they thought it might pass the miscarriage on its own if a space did not open soon enough. Day surgery is kinda a boring place to be. I have to say that the pills did there work well in getting things going but was it painful. Given the option I would not take them again. My body takes many medicines well as I learned when getting petocine with the birth of my son. 
With my ectopic pregnancy there was a greater urgency in having it done that night. Im sure I would have bee okay if it had been longer but glad as I did not loose my overy or experience any other problems as a result. Happily the pregnancy was where it should have been and detected early enough to avoid damage. The hard part about waiting this time was not the unknown of going into surgery but the grieving of a very wanted pregnancy and knowing that I had a little boy at home who needed me. That is the joy and the hardship of being a mother and  loosing a pregnancy. I was thinking about the lose, my son, my husband and me. Thats a lot to worry about.

I think this was the hardest wait of my life. The wait to learn if I was right about the answer to this question. I think I always knew the answer and hence my Denial period of the grieving process started before the actual loss happened. 
WAIT, before we  continue I need to say thanks to my best friend whose story of her Ectopic pregnancy made me question my own situation and if I was experiencing the same thing. My advice to others, if something feels wrong get it checked out. It is better to have things looked at be wrong than not and risk the dangers. While I was sad that the pregnancy was in fact ectopic, I was glad I was safe and alive to take care of my son and spouse. 

 OCTOBER 15, IS PREGNANCY AND INFANT LOSS REMEMBRANCE DAY. THE PURPOSE IS TO PROVIDE SUPPORT, EDUCATION AND AWARENESS FOR ANYONE WHO HAS LOST A BABY THROUGH MISCARRIAGE, STILLBIRTH OR INFANT DEATH. 

I have done a little reading today and it is amazing what events are taking place around us to bring awareness to pregnancy and infant loss. This day of remembrance is not yet worldwide but I hope it will be someday. I wish I had known about it when my looses had first happened. 
Some may argue that this kind of loss should be a private event to be grieved by those experiencing  the loss and their families. I agree that those experiencing the loss need time to come to acceptance with the loss, but they need to know that they have support and they are not alone. This is a loss unlike no other. When it happens to you, a persons asks why me or what did I do wrong. Awareness events like this day and the Silent Hearts run are powerful ways to say you are not alone and we are here when you are ready.  I know that the more people's stories I heard, the more supported I felt and the stronger I became. This is not to say that my husband and I  did not need our time, just that knowing we had people who understood what to I was going through helped. It was easier to be strong because I had the strength of other women behind me.

The joy of  Hormones can be both a blessing and a curse when it come to pregnancy and the loss of a pregnancy. Lets start with looking at it from the perspective of the lose.  When we found out we had miscarried, hormones were in play for me as I had gone from the great high of going for our first Ultrasound to seeing nothing but an empty amniotic sac. It was so disheartening to hear the news and then to see it. It was a small comfort that my doctor had been contacted and was willing/able to have us come in to talk about it. Even writing about it now makes me tear up. Yet I choose to write on as I know that if I can help one person with my story it will make it worth the pain.
Then emotions got really intense as I was waiting for my surgery and feeling the cramps that mirrored the ones that I would have had if I had been in labour. I had taken the pills in preparation for the D&C. I would have to say given the option I would not take the pills again. After my surgery felt the stages of grief take me on a roller coaster of emotions that coincided with hormone levels returning to "Normal". I still have problems with using the word normal.  It makes me think that I am not acknowledging the change that the loss has done to me and the loss itself. I remind  myself that everytime I think of the loss and start feeling that melancholy feeling that I am truly honoring that lose and what could have been. I think it is time to go snuggle and I will write about emotions of PREGNANCY AFTER LOSS ANOTHER DAY.