Mixed Emotions

The joy of  Hormones can be both a blessing and a curse when it come to pregnancy and the loss of a pregnancy. Lets start with looking at it from the perspective of the lose.  When we found out we had miscarried, hormones were in play for me as I had gone from the great high of going for our first Ultrasound to seeing nothing but an empty amniotic sac. It was so disheartening to hear the news and then to see it. It was a small comfort that my doctor had been contacted and was willing/able to have us come in to talk about it. Even writing about it now makes me tear up. Yet I choose to write on as I know that if I can help one person with my story it will make it worth the pain.
Then emotions got really intense as I was waiting for my surgery and feeling the cramps that mirrored the ones that I would have had if I had been in labour. I had taken the pills in preparation for the D&C. I would have to say given the option I would not take the pills again. After my surgery felt the stages of grief take me on a roller coaster of emotions that coincided with hormone levels returning to "Normal". I still have problems with using the word normal.  It makes me think that I am not acknowledging the change that the loss has done to me and the loss itself. I remind  myself that everytime I think of the loss and start feeling that melancholy feeling that I am truly honoring that lose and what could have been. I think it is time to go snuggle and I will write about emotions of PREGNANCY AFTER LOSS ANOTHER DAY.