|Shedding Light on the M Word||
After experiencing a miscarriage or ectopic pregnancy, every future ache and pain leads a person to question if it is happening again? This is a scary question to ask and for some women it is the one that can save their lives. I had that same worry when I had my ectopic pregnancy. I can imagine how scary it would be for someone who was not planning to be pregnant again and experiencing the same symptoms as their previous loses. The best thing I think to do is talk to your doctor or health line and get good medical advice. It is likely nothing but it does not hurt to ask. I would suggest against using the internet for diagnosis. The symptoms you are experiencing can as easily be food poisoning as and ectopic pregnancy. It is better to know than to guess.
On a day that is meant to celebrate love wanted to take a moment to say I love you to all the babies that we carried but were never born. To say I love u to those who were and left us to quickly, and TO THOSE WHO ARE GOING THROUGH LOSS RIGHT NOW.
As women we often give ourselves little credit or how strong we are or how strong we can be. In the past when I lost a family member, I took a day to grieve and then proved I was strong by going on about my work or other daily activities. I did sometimes need to close my door or was sent home, but I had gone on and tried to be strong.The first loss was before my son and that time I did not have to be strong for anyone in reality. I had the chance to let myself feel through this and it was a great learning opportunity for me
With our second loss I knew that I was strong enough to make it through this loss. I think it helped that this time I ha my son to be strong for. He did not understand what was going on or that mommy had been in surgery and needed time to recover.
I know that I am stronger than I think I am and part of it is having that supoport network and not being afraid to admit we need a shoulder to cry on.
Added on November 21st
I now know that I was strong enough to survive a miscarriage or ectopic pregnancy but about the news of others good fortunes? This is the next challenge for many of us, being strong everytime we hear of a new person's pregnancy especially when they tell you so early on. While I want to warn them not to say much to to many so soon, I want to try and share in their happiness. While I want to try and be as positive about their news as they are I sometimes find I can't be when I look deep in my heart. I know exciting it is when you found out and before you knew how often pregnancy can end in loss. It takes time and care to get to that point where we can I find it takes time sometimes to remember feel what we say out loud.
After a pregnancy loss has happened there are many decisions to make including how to get ones body back to "normal". I use the word normal for lack of a better word as I know and felt my body would never really be the way it was or normal. After both pregnancy losses, I had choose a surgical option as I felt it was the best for me and moving on with life. The hard part for me was not so much the decision as the wait for surgery and the healing that I knew it would bring.
With the miscarriage I had a D&C of which information can be found through your doctor or other medical sites. I am finding it hard at the moment to write it so I will talk about the wait. I had to be at the hospital early in the morning and wait for a surgical spot as it was not considered an emergency surgery although it was still treated as important. After some waiting I was given some pills to get things moving and they thought it might pass the miscarriage on its own if a space did not open soon enough. Day surgery is kinda a boring place to be. I have to say that the pills did there work well in getting things going but was it painful. Given the option I would not take them again. My body takes many medicines well as I learned when getting petocine with the birth of my son.
With my ectopic pregnancy there was a greater urgency in having it done that night. Im sure I would have bee okay if it had been longer but glad as I did not loose my overy or experience any other problems as a result. Happily the pregnancy was where it should have been and detected early enough to avoid damage. The hard part about waiting this time was not the unknown of going into surgery but the grieving of a very wanted pregnancy and knowing that I had a little boy at home who needed me. That is the joy and the hardship of being a mother and loosing a pregnancy. I was thinking about the lose, my son, my husband and me. Thats a lot to worry about.
I think this was the hardest wait of my life. The wait to learn if I was right about the answer to this question. I think I always knew the answer and hence my Denial period of the grieving process started before the actual loss happened.
WAIT, before we continue I need to say thanks to my best friend whose story of her Ectopic pregnancy made me question my own situation and if I was experiencing the same thing. My advice to others, if something feels wrong get it checked out. It is better to have things looked at be wrong than not and risk the dangers. While I was sad that the pregnancy was in fact ectopic, I was glad I was safe and alive to take care of my son and spouse.
OCTOBER 15, IS PREGNANCY AND INFANT LOSS REMEMBRANCE DAY. THE PURPOSE IS TO PROVIDE SUPPORT, EDUCATION AND AWARENESS FOR ANYONE WHO HAS LOST A BABY THROUGH MISCARRIAGE, STILLBIRTH OR INFANT DEATH.
I have done a little reading today and it is amazing what events are taking place around us to bring awareness to pregnancy and infant loss. This day of remembrance is not yet worldwide but I hope it will be someday. I wish I had known about it when my looses had first happened.
Some may argue that this kind of loss should be a private event to be grieved by those experiencing the loss and their families. I agree that those experiencing the loss need time to come to acceptance with the loss, but they need to know that they have support and they are not alone. This is a loss unlike no other. When it happens to you, a persons asks why me or what did I do wrong. Awareness events like this day and the Silent Hearts run are powerful ways to say you are not alone and we are here when you are ready. I know that the more people's stories I heard, the more supported I felt and the stronger I became. This is not to say that my husband and I did not need our time, just that knowing we had people who understood what to I was going through helped. It was easier to be strong because I had the strength of other women behind me.
Whether it is hearing that you have had another loss, or a friend or co-worker has, it is never easy. IT is sometimes hard to find the right words to express what you are feeling about the situation. In the case of my second loss, I knew early that things were not right. I thought of a dear friend who had been through the same thing and knew it was what was happening to me. While I did not want to believe that life could be so cruel I knew that I was lucky.
You may ask why I am saying I was lucky? Well our second loss came as a result of an ectopic pregnancy. This is a pregnancy that is not in the uterus and in my case it was in the fallopian tubes. After three ultrasounds and blood tests it was confirmed and I choose to have surgery to remove it before it caused damage to my tubes which can be dangerous. So yes I think I am lucky to have known the warning signs and sought medical treatment immediately.
I have now had several people confide in me in regards to their miscarriages and each time I hear of one it hits me hard. I know how much they wanted the baby and it just was not meant to be. It is hard to know how much to say and often what to say depending on the relationship to you. Sometimes I find the best is to say if you need me, call. If you want to talk, I will listen. If you need to cry with somebody, I will cry with you.
I am dedicating this blog posting to a kind lady who is going through her own loss right now.
The healing process takes time and I know how hard it is. I lost the last pregnancy September 2012 and I am still dealing with the pain. This website and blog are my attempt to continue the healing and possibly help another person in the process. I don't know what else to write, so I stop here for the moment.
I am a wife, a mother and a survivor. I have experienced a miscarriage, sucessfull pregnancy and an ectopic pregnancy.